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How Your Confidence Level Affects Your Relationship

confidence and relationships

It can be difficult to accept that our confidence levels can have a ripple effect on the rest of your life. After all, your confidence is a personal attribute so why should it have an effect on other people? Learning to control and build your confidence can have amazing results for many aspects of your life. One such aspect is your relationships. Although they are, of course, different and complex, building in confidence can have positive effects for both you and your partner.


confidence coach and self esteem

Self-esteem is closely connected with confidence and relationships. Firstly, having a lack of self-esteem can often prohibit us from finding a relationship. This is because lack of confidence stops us from pursuing things we want, making it difficult to approach people who we see a potential relationship with. As well as our own self-esteem stopping us approaching others, lack of confidence can make it more difficult for people to approach us as they may misconstrue low self-esteem for lack of interest. Improving our confidence gives us the ability to branch out in our social lives and meet more people and improve the chances of finding a potential partner. 

Setting Boundaries 

A vital part of any relationship is the ability to set boundaries. This can often be a daunting thing to be able to discuss with someone and therefore requires a certain level of confidence. If we want to have a relationship that is beneficial and comfortable then we have to be able to communicate with our partners what we want. The power to say ‘no’ and stand up for ourselves is necessary to ensure we won’t be taken for granted in relationships. Having this confidence in place can help us to avoid bad and even abusive relationships as it makes us harder to control.


If you don’t have the power to openly communicate then it can become frustrating for both us and our partners due to the lack of understanding regarding each other’s thoughts and feelings. Taking small steps to communicate how you feel, like writing letters, can vastly improve how comfortable you both feel within the relationship. Moreover, lack of confidence with communication can lead to dishonesty. These two factors can go hand in hand. If we don’t trust our partners then how can we be confident in the relationship? It forms a vicious circle. Bridging this divide can set you on your way to a happier and more honest relationship.

Defining the Relationship 

define relationship boundaries

In this modern world, it can be tricky to understand what people want out of a relationship. It is important to have the confidence to know what you both want. Is it serious or casual? What do you both want to get out of the relationship? If you have clear ideas of what you would like, it is fundamental to communicate this with the other person. This allows you to take steps forward if necessary or to decide whether this is actually a person you have a future with. Setting out clear goals for yourself and having the confidence to ask for them is key to building a successful relationship.

Insular Relationship 

Having low self-esteem often means that you don’t want to venture outside of your bubble. This means that you will put off seeing friends, decline invitations to social gatherings, or just generally prefer to stay inside rather than go out to a restaurant or pub. If you’re not in a relationship this can seriously hinder your ability to meet people. If you are in a relationship, it can lead to it becoming very insular, often being just the two of you. Although it is necessary for alone time to build on the relationship, being sociable as a couple is important so that you’re able to have fun together. If this is daunting, ensure that you’re making plans with friends you trust before branching out into more uncomfortable situations.

It is clear that your confidence has an impact on your relationships, whether you have one yet or not. Although this can seem worrying if you currently have a lack of self-esteem, it should be encouraging that making small changes can vastly improve your communication with current or potential partners.

Working with a confidence life coach can be beneficial in understanding what is triggering your low self-esteem levels and how you can improve on them. Discussing your concerns with an independent party can be the best way to clarify what you want out of a relationship and how you can go about making your goals clear to your partner. If you’re willing to put the work in, you will see wonderful results in your personal life.

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Annie Fontaine

As a qualified life coach, I assist individuals working on their relationships, be it at work or in their personal lives. Good communication plays a huge part in being successful within your relationships.

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How Your Confidence Level Affects Your Relationship

confidence and relationships